Talking About Yourself
Women dislike men who talk only about themselves. Instead of talking about how great you are, talk to make your date feel great about herself.
Going to dinner and having nothing in common but work ...entire conversation was about work or him...it didn't seem to matter what I wanted to do or what I had to say...
Going to dinner and having nothing in common but work ...entire conversation was about work or him...it didn't seem to matter what I wanted to do or what I had to say...
Talking About Facts
Don't be a know-it-all. After 14.5 years of higher education, I know enough facts to fill a factotum. And when I convey those facts to women, they say, "I'm afraid I don't have a romantic interest in our acquaintance."
Narcissism
He talked only about himself. He told me he had written a book about formerly married people. This formerly married person told me about his former marriage, about his life history, about his other books for general consumption, which all seemed to parallel his personal social and emotional history, and his other accomplishments. There wasn't a single question, and he clearly felt I should be incredibly impressed.
His whole attitude was that I was very, very, very lucky to have this great expert on positive social interactions paying attention to me, a young free-lance writer....
Finally, at about three, I said I had to go to another appointment. He was suddenly put off. He couldn't believe that a woman would leave first....He had to make the first move toward the exit. The feeling was so vivid, it was as if his beam of human energy abruptly shut off....
Later on [it was] revealed that he...had been sleeping with his clients; he had kept a whole filing cabinet full of files on other women he'd had affairs with.
His whole attitude was that I was very, very, very lucky to have this great expert on positive social interactions paying attention to me, a young free-lance writer....
Finally, at about three, I said I had to go to another appointment. He was suddenly put off. He couldn't believe that a woman would leave first....He had to make the first move toward the exit. The feeling was so vivid, it was as if his beam of human energy abruptly shut off....
Later on [it was] revealed that he...had been sleeping with his clients; he had kept a whole filing cabinet full of files on other women he'd had affairs with.
Never date a man who writes relationship books!
Narcissus was a beautiful young man. After a tiring day of hunting, he came to a clear spring. He kneeled to drink. He saw his reflection in the water. He thought that it was a beautiful water-spirit living in the spring. He fell in love with his reflection. He tried to kiss and embrace it. It fled at his touch. But soon it returned. He couldn't tear himself away. He lost all thought of food or rest while he gazed at his reflection. When he died, the gods created a purple and white flower, and named it after Narcissus.
Compare Gloria Steinem's date to Narcissus. The psychologist talked and talked, hoping to see his brilliance reflected in Steinem's awe. As long as Steinem sat still and reflected him, he felt attraction to her. But when Steinem stood to leave, she was like the rippling water of Narcissus's pool. He no longer saw his reflection in her. Her movement changed his attraction to fear.
Showing women that you're an "alpha" male-a.k.a., showing off-is a part of attracting women's attention. Continuing to show off after you attract a woman's attention is narcissism. Instead, switch gender roles and connect to her emotional state.
Compare Gloria Steinem's date to Narcissus. The psychologist talked and talked, hoping to see his brilliance reflected in Steinem's awe. As long as Steinem sat still and reflected him, he felt attraction to her. But when Steinem stood to leave, she was like the rippling water of Narcissus's pool. He no longer saw his reflection in her. Her movement changed his attraction to fear.
Showing women that you're an "alpha" male-a.k.a., showing off-is a part of attracting women's attention. Continuing to show off after you attract a woman's attention is narcissism. Instead, switch gender roles and connect to her emotional state.
I guess it was with a guy that had a habit of looking into every mirror that we passed. I mean, Hello! He was worse then some girls I know!
Narcissists think they're smart and attractive. They can be charming in short-term relationships. Their need for attention can pull a partner along into the limelight. But their need to dominate leads to "game-playing, such as keeping partners uncertain about their commitment, being unfaithful and keeping secrets."
Another narcissist game is thinking your time is more important than your date's. Don't squeeze your date into your busy schedule. You won't impress her. She should think that meeting her is the most important event of your day.
Another narcissist game is thinking your time is more important than your date's. Don't squeeze your date into your busy schedule. You won't impress her. She should think that meeting her is the most important event of your day.
Showing off money-or, in this case, expensive wine-is a form of narcissism:
A bad date is anybody who arrives stoned or drunk or anyone who gets stoned or drunk while on the date. And another bad date is anyone who insists that I go dutch or pay. And another bad date is anybody who tries to kiss me, oh, before dinner. And another bad date is anybody who tries to impress me with what he knows about wines; I think that's really disgusting. And another bad date is anybody who takes you to one of those torturous, four-star restaurants where there're seventeen courses and insist you try everything. I mean that's hell.
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